You're a badass for spitting this kind of truth, and you've said it in a way that I simply couldn't find the words for when trying to talk to feminists. It's all about just resting in our power and doing what we are meant to do without striving to be a man. And that's not to say that if you're a woman who loves science, you shouldn't pursue that. But I agree that up until now, the divine feminine was touted as less than divine in our society. I feel like it's coming back around now.
When my kids were young (a boy and a girl, twins), a friend got my daughter these little "feminist" books that kept using language like "GIRLS CAN, TOO!" I tried to read them to her and it made me sick. "Too" is such a disempowering message. Like, "Do these things that you're not naturally drawn to, just to prove yourself! Your brother will actually want to do these things, and you should too! Don't worry about all those quiet and creative things you were interested in. If you work really hard and waste your life, you will maybe be almost as good as he is at it! Be like these women who were famous for denying their truth!" I gave the books away.
Feminism, though, was born because women have been forced on an unjust "quest" (to borrow your term) for equality that no one chooses. Assuming a role with no control over finances, one's body, no credit for work performed, no ability to break free, little help if abused, no representation in the public sphere in politics, medicine etc - this is not the realm of goddesses and it seems to be coming back at us. I think we have to look at the near history and even present as to why we are here making the choices we are in our culture, including the kinds of choices males are making, before we head back to the 50's. From what I understand, it's a myth that single childless women are unhappy and, quite the contrary they score highest on wellbeing. It may surprise any readers that I was a stay at home mother of 4, now grandma of 3. I had to fight expectations that I'd have a career and faced ongoing criticism and the disapproval and disrespect of others having graduated summa cum laude during a time when that signaled a career. But I've always gone with my inner voice (knowing that every aspect of a patriarchal culture was going to attempt to mess with it) and there was no lack of clarity on this for me. No regrets - and yes, the opportunities for creativity are endless. All this said - I would not ever seek to interfere with another's path.
Kate! The fact that we just both have the term “unorthodox” in our publication names is one thing.
But the fact that my wife and I were JUST TALKING about the IG video that you shared on (how much propaganda did it take), that I saw earlier this week, is down right synchronsitic!
Great essay. I always struggled with the girl-boss stuff, and even when I was at the top of my career, it never felt quite right. I think I longed for the era when it wasn't expected of women to have a "career" (though I do think it should be an option for those who want it / need it), and instead it was normalized for women to be STAH mothers and volunteer in the community.
When I got together with my husband, I had a small breakdown while we were high on MDMA and psilocybin and confessed to him, "I just want to be a WOMAN." By that I meant, I didn't want to compete in a career. I was also a good student, also good at math (though perhaps not as good as you!!), but I lacked ambition. When I married my husband and found out I was pregnant shortly afterward, I told him I wanted to be a STAH mother. Four years (and two children) later, I'm still happy with that decision. I also like that a platform like Substack exists as an intellectual outlet.
This is a deeply orthodox opinion. And just as always, I find it reductive, constrictive, and based on false dichotomies. I'm no more satisfied with mass industrial-imperial culture than you, but I think the way out is forward, not backward. Let's let go of these weird prescriptive gender and social roles, and each do our own best.
That's a weird dodge. You seem to think in terms of orthodoxy, -ism, identity/tribe. I'm a socialist because of my vocabulary, therefore we probably don't agree. People need to identify with and perform a social archetype of their genitals if they want to live their best life. This type of generalizations is clumsy and cuts out a lot of ideas and experiences that, in my opinion, should be there. If we get dogmatic, fearful, shameful about that kind of thinking, the result is usually war or some level of violence.
Don't get me wrong, you should be authentic and do what is best for you. But you don't speak for anyone but yourself. And those who think/live differently are no threat to you or society at large. You may be right that some women might want to make different decisions than the prevailing secular/industrial culture that emphasizes workforce participation and career development. I certainly have, and am altogether happy with my decisions. But I'm not a woman. I just feel like you're replacing one prescriptive generalization with another (older) one here, and I'm pretty over that whole back-and-forth personally.
Allowing others to choose their own path is a beautiful expression of love. Letting go of control can be a challenging and deeply personal journey, and I've grappled with it myself. I’ve found solace in the teachings of the Dao, which remind us that we all have our own road to walk.
One of the greatest gifts we can offer other women is the space and freedom to explore their own choices, even when those choices differ from ours. As a teacher, I often remind myself that my role is to guide rather than preach. I pray for the wisdom and courage to view other women not as rivals but as fellow travelers on this journey.
I’m learning to embrace how women uniquely present themselves and understand that it's okay not to be perfect. I also need to extend that compassion to myself, forgiving my imperfections and the past experiences with my mother, who, despite her struggles, didn’t provide the guidance I sought as a child.
When we allow others to be themselves, we often discover a profound sense of liberation within ourselves.
That last line is something I agree with, and in general your note! People— women and men— need to find their own path. I’m an individualist at heart and believe to each their own. I have many childless friends and don’t judge them for it!
“Not all women will choose to become wives and mothers, and this on an individual basis is not necessarily problematic. To each their own.
But I’m talking about trends here. Women have been sold a lie, and they are bearing the consequences.”
The point of this article is to point out the very significant generational trend that has many women fooled and/or confused, with many regrets, sometimes too late.
Exactly. The baby boom generation was socially engineered to put education and career first. I discovered too late that it was a con and a lie, as Jordan Peterson so astutely has pointed out.
Thank you for writing this piece. It's put into words so many things that have been running through my mind since becoming a mother. I look back at my life before being a parent and I can see now that I was floundering for some purpose or meaning whilst also 'rebelling' against the idea of becoming a mother (the one thing that instantly gave me meaning and purpose). I'm just thankful I found a partner who slowly, slightly, patiently challenged my preconceived notions of motherhood and waited for me to see things differently.
Reading this made me think about how most small businesses in my local area were run by middle age and older women. I am thinking that maybe it is the rise of multi national companies that have stolen this creative outlet for women. The corner shop and locally made goods ha e been replaced with checkout chicks getting paid nothing to increase the profits of someone a long way outside of the local community. Just a thought.
Lovely article. I think in general the Girl Power messaging has been bad for our society In most fields women will struggle to be inferior men. Whereas if we look at a complementary view of men and women, it’s much healthier.
I don’t think the USA has ever restricted the right to bear arms for women. Just the voting, property ownership, and allowing women to pursue some careers. (I grew up in Alabama, in the late 70’s and 80’s and 90’s. A women being able to administer her own property was a new thing (When I was in preschool, one of my friends Mom’s was trained as a lawyer, she was not allowed to practice in Alabama because she was a women. There were so many first business women that were celebrated in the community during my childhood.)
I’m not sure you are right about Men being better at math than women. In Asia math skills are considered a female strength, I discovered this while watching anime, the series where the male lead saves the day with his giant robot/magic powers almost every episode. His romantic interest was almost always a sweet girl who was a little dense, and often got kidnapped by the bad guys, but there would be that one episode where they were cramming for the math test. And she would help the hero get a passing grade. I think there are other factors of why women don’t go into math. I’m a women with a stem degree, I will say that it seems like women tend to be better at algebra, and men are better at geometry. (To me algebra feels like knitting).
I saw you on Josh's podcast and very much appreciated your insights and intelligence in that subject.
It's been great to see many women here put their finger on one of the issues facing women and our larger societies and that is the intentional destruction of the foundations of women and motherhood. It is one of the most important vocations, callings and acts of love a human being will ever perform and we have all (the larger masses) lost sight of that awe inspiring truth - to all our detriments.
If you've not come across Emily Hancock's, may I suggest it here? She is another great writer and doing great work to pull us back to the truth's and norms that have allowed all species to thrive, including ours, until we perverted them. I commented that we humans used to have one driving motivation - past food, water and shelter - and that was an infant. That new born represented the reality of the divine, it gave the promise of future to a klan or community, it drove their daily lives and activities in the care and nurturing of the child that would grow.
Of course that infant, who carried every possibility for human existence, could not have itself existed without the mother who miraculously grew that life within her own body.
Emily (https://substack.com/@theworkofwomen) says it so much better here. I hope you won't mind that I dropped one of her posts here. I think it compliments yours quite well.
Thanks Kate, your post reminded me of reading "The Feminine Mystique" by Betty Friedan, in case you read it, indeed I agree, the needle does need to swing back to the more traditional form, we once were and that's certainly should be the message to young girls and not the "anti-marriage, free your body, men are all evil" kind. Women can and should embrace their feminity whether they have children or not and that includes a nurturing attitude, as it is innate in our nature. When I was 11, my Mom died, inadvertently killed by a doctor when we came to Canada, my entire world collapsed as I was so close to her, so I have struggled with being a motherless daughter ever since (then my entire family, dad and brother died). The point is: that even though this happened and I was bullied in primary, ostensibly as a result, I would not want special treatment nor privileges nor protections. Life is inherently unfair. It is up to us to figure it out, own it and take some responsibility. I think God has a plan, and for some women it blesses them with children. It's a worthy goal to have.
It must be difficult to navigate. We have a boy— challenges for both sexes because of the zeitgeist. How old are your girls? Mine is still little, times are a changing though.
You're a badass for spitting this kind of truth, and you've said it in a way that I simply couldn't find the words for when trying to talk to feminists. It's all about just resting in our power and doing what we are meant to do without striving to be a man. And that's not to say that if you're a woman who loves science, you shouldn't pursue that. But I agree that up until now, the divine feminine was touted as less than divine in our society. I feel like it's coming back around now.
When my kids were young (a boy and a girl, twins), a friend got my daughter these little "feminist" books that kept using language like "GIRLS CAN, TOO!" I tried to read them to her and it made me sick. "Too" is such a disempowering message. Like, "Do these things that you're not naturally drawn to, just to prove yourself! Your brother will actually want to do these things, and you should too! Don't worry about all those quiet and creative things you were interested in. If you work really hard and waste your life, you will maybe be almost as good as he is at it! Be like these women who were famous for denying their truth!" I gave the books away.
Not "touted"...but...uh, "considered"
Feminism, though, was born because women have been forced on an unjust "quest" (to borrow your term) for equality that no one chooses. Assuming a role with no control over finances, one's body, no credit for work performed, no ability to break free, little help if abused, no representation in the public sphere in politics, medicine etc - this is not the realm of goddesses and it seems to be coming back at us. I think we have to look at the near history and even present as to why we are here making the choices we are in our culture, including the kinds of choices males are making, before we head back to the 50's. From what I understand, it's a myth that single childless women are unhappy and, quite the contrary they score highest on wellbeing. It may surprise any readers that I was a stay at home mother of 4, now grandma of 3. I had to fight expectations that I'd have a career and faced ongoing criticism and the disapproval and disrespect of others having graduated summa cum laude during a time when that signaled a career. But I've always gone with my inner voice (knowing that every aspect of a patriarchal culture was going to attempt to mess with it) and there was no lack of clarity on this for me. No regrets - and yes, the opportunities for creativity are endless. All this said - I would not ever seek to interfere with another's path.
As a childless woman, I can confirm, you are right, Margaret, nothing makes me happier. Thanks for recognizing people like me
That is great, good for you. Not everyone has the same journey.
My article is about the trends, not the individuals. :)
Its about allowing others to choose their own path. This is a form of love.
Ignorance is assuming one knows things which one could not possibly know. Hello! I wrote one paragraph on another subject. 😆
You know what's evil according to a relevant authority you may have heard of named Jesus? Hate and judgement.
If you haven't read it, some of the ideas in Leonard Schlain's "the alphabet and the goddess" might be worthwhile pondering.
Thank you! 😊
Another one to read about how we turned to rational mind and took a turn away from wisdom is Reality by Peter Kingsley.
Great book!! I had some issues with Shlain's main thesis though. For those who are interested -- https://thecassandracomplex.substack.com/p/the-androgynous-mind
Kate! The fact that we just both have the term “unorthodox” in our publication names is one thing.
But the fact that my wife and I were JUST TALKING about the IG video that you shared on (how much propaganda did it take), that I saw earlier this week, is down right synchronsitic!
So glad to have met your acquaintance and I wanted to offer this article I’ve penned on the divine feminine: https://unorthodoxy.substack.com/p/how-feminism-and-dei-destroy-humanitys
Society looks to destroy the divine roles and feminism, DEI, is one way that has trapped plenty of people. But thank goodness they see the light.
Looking forward to more of your work and connecting sometime soon!
Great essay. I always struggled with the girl-boss stuff, and even when I was at the top of my career, it never felt quite right. I think I longed for the era when it wasn't expected of women to have a "career" (though I do think it should be an option for those who want it / need it), and instead it was normalized for women to be STAH mothers and volunteer in the community.
When I got together with my husband, I had a small breakdown while we were high on MDMA and psilocybin and confessed to him, "I just want to be a WOMAN." By that I meant, I didn't want to compete in a career. I was also a good student, also good at math (though perhaps not as good as you!!), but I lacked ambition. When I married my husband and found out I was pregnant shortly afterward, I told him I wanted to be a STAH mother. Four years (and two children) later, I'm still happy with that decision. I also like that a platform like Substack exists as an intellectual outlet.
This is a deeply orthodox opinion. And just as always, I find it reductive, constrictive, and based on false dichotomies. I'm no more satisfied with mass industrial-imperial culture than you, but I think the way out is forward, not backward. Let's let go of these weird prescriptive gender and social roles, and each do our own best.
“Mass industrial-imperial culture” is socialist talk (left or right); I don’t think we are on the same page in terms of orthodoxies.
Of course you have a right to disagree with my views though, all the best!
That's a weird dodge. You seem to think in terms of orthodoxy, -ism, identity/tribe. I'm a socialist because of my vocabulary, therefore we probably don't agree. People need to identify with and perform a social archetype of their genitals if they want to live their best life. This type of generalizations is clumsy and cuts out a lot of ideas and experiences that, in my opinion, should be there. If we get dogmatic, fearful, shameful about that kind of thinking, the result is usually war or some level of violence.
Don't get me wrong, you should be authentic and do what is best for you. But you don't speak for anyone but yourself. And those who think/live differently are no threat to you or society at large. You may be right that some women might want to make different decisions than the prevailing secular/industrial culture that emphasizes workforce participation and career development. I certainly have, and am altogether happy with my decisions. But I'm not a woman. I just feel like you're replacing one prescriptive generalization with another (older) one here, and I'm pretty over that whole back-and-forth personally.
Allowing others to choose their own path is a beautiful expression of love. Letting go of control can be a challenging and deeply personal journey, and I've grappled with it myself. I’ve found solace in the teachings of the Dao, which remind us that we all have our own road to walk.
One of the greatest gifts we can offer other women is the space and freedom to explore their own choices, even when those choices differ from ours. As a teacher, I often remind myself that my role is to guide rather than preach. I pray for the wisdom and courage to view other women not as rivals but as fellow travelers on this journey.
I’m learning to embrace how women uniquely present themselves and understand that it's okay not to be perfect. I also need to extend that compassion to myself, forgiving my imperfections and the past experiences with my mother, who, despite her struggles, didn’t provide the guidance I sought as a child.
When we allow others to be themselves, we often discover a profound sense of liberation within ourselves.
That last line is something I agree with, and in general your note! People— women and men— need to find their own path. I’m an individualist at heart and believe to each their own. I have many childless friends and don’t judge them for it!
“Not all women will choose to become wives and mothers, and this on an individual basis is not necessarily problematic. To each their own.
But I’m talking about trends here. Women have been sold a lie, and they are bearing the consequences.”
The point of this article is to point out the very significant generational trend that has many women fooled and/or confused, with many regrets, sometimes too late.
Thanks for your comments!
Beautiful piece that perfectly describes the current culture.
Exactly. The baby boom generation was socially engineered to put education and career first. I discovered too late that it was a con and a lie, as Jordan Peterson so astutely has pointed out.
Thank you for writing this piece. It's put into words so many things that have been running through my mind since becoming a mother. I look back at my life before being a parent and I can see now that I was floundering for some purpose or meaning whilst also 'rebelling' against the idea of becoming a mother (the one thing that instantly gave me meaning and purpose). I'm just thankful I found a partner who slowly, slightly, patiently challenged my preconceived notions of motherhood and waited for me to see things differently.
Reading this made me think about how most small businesses in my local area were run by middle age and older women. I am thinking that maybe it is the rise of multi national companies that have stolen this creative outlet for women. The corner shop and locally made goods ha e been replaced with checkout chicks getting paid nothing to increase the profits of someone a long way outside of the local community. Just a thought.
"the rise of multi national companies that have stolen this creative outlet for women." (and men):
Hey Ted Kazinsky talked about that: https://archive.nytimes.com/www.nytimes.com/library/national/unabom-manifesto-1.html
Lovely article. I think in general the Girl Power messaging has been bad for our society In most fields women will struggle to be inferior men. Whereas if we look at a complementary view of men and women, it’s much healthier.
I don’t think the USA has ever restricted the right to bear arms for women. Just the voting, property ownership, and allowing women to pursue some careers. (I grew up in Alabama, in the late 70’s and 80’s and 90’s. A women being able to administer her own property was a new thing (When I was in preschool, one of my friends Mom’s was trained as a lawyer, she was not allowed to practice in Alabama because she was a women. There were so many first business women that were celebrated in the community during my childhood.)
I’m not sure you are right about Men being better at math than women. In Asia math skills are considered a female strength, I discovered this while watching anime, the series where the male lead saves the day with his giant robot/magic powers almost every episode. His romantic interest was almost always a sweet girl who was a little dense, and often got kidnapped by the bad guys, but there would be that one episode where they were cramming for the math test. And she would help the hero get a passing grade. I think there are other factors of why women don’t go into math. I’m a women with a stem degree, I will say that it seems like women tend to be better at algebra, and men are better at geometry. (To me algebra feels like knitting).
A great post Kate.
I saw you on Josh's podcast and very much appreciated your insights and intelligence in that subject.
It's been great to see many women here put their finger on one of the issues facing women and our larger societies and that is the intentional destruction of the foundations of women and motherhood. It is one of the most important vocations, callings and acts of love a human being will ever perform and we have all (the larger masses) lost sight of that awe inspiring truth - to all our detriments.
If you've not come across Emily Hancock's, may I suggest it here? She is another great writer and doing great work to pull us back to the truth's and norms that have allowed all species to thrive, including ours, until we perverted them. I commented that we humans used to have one driving motivation - past food, water and shelter - and that was an infant. That new born represented the reality of the divine, it gave the promise of future to a klan or community, it drove their daily lives and activities in the care and nurturing of the child that would grow.
Of course that infant, who carried every possibility for human existence, could not have itself existed without the mother who miraculously grew that life within her own body.
Emily (https://substack.com/@theworkofwomen) says it so much better here. I hope you won't mind that I dropped one of her posts here. I think it compliments yours quite well.
https://theworkofwomen.substack.com/p/undomesticated-birth
This was a phenomenal essay! Thanks for the recommendation.
I thought you’d click with her work. You two are working in the same space, along with many others and it’s invaluable.
Great piece - young women need to know this. Motherhood is the highest job, giving life the ultimate, a wonder of creation.
You inspired me!!!
Thanks Kate, your post reminded me of reading "The Feminine Mystique" by Betty Friedan, in case you read it, indeed I agree, the needle does need to swing back to the more traditional form, we once were and that's certainly should be the message to young girls and not the "anti-marriage, free your body, men are all evil" kind. Women can and should embrace their feminity whether they have children or not and that includes a nurturing attitude, as it is innate in our nature. When I was 11, my Mom died, inadvertently killed by a doctor when we came to Canada, my entire world collapsed as I was so close to her, so I have struggled with being a motherless daughter ever since (then my entire family, dad and brother died). The point is: that even though this happened and I was bullied in primary, ostensibly as a result, I would not want special treatment nor privileges nor protections. Life is inherently unfair. It is up to us to figure it out, own it and take some responsibility. I think God has a plan, and for some women it blesses them with children. It's a worthy goal to have.
It's crazy how far we've gone in deleting the feminine. Raising two daughters has really challenges a lot of the modern zeitgeist of feminism.
It must be difficult to navigate. We have a boy— challenges for both sexes because of the zeitgeist. How old are your girls? Mine is still little, times are a changing though.
My girls are 12 and 10. Learning to embrace their goddess! 😀