Millennial Vs. Boomer Parenting Styles
For better or for worse
In response to my recent essay, which I warned would trigger many people and DID trigger many people, here is a list of general parenting trends for boomers vs millennials:
Boomers / Millennials:
Helicopter Parenting / Free-Range Parenting
Public Schools / Homeschooling or unschooling
Because I said so / Because (explanation)
Infantilization / Seeing children as more mature than they are
Cry it out / Attachment parenting
Cribs / Co-Sleeping
Parental Authority / Child-Led
Authoritarian Parenting / Gentle Parenting
Money doesn’t grow on trees / We don’t talk about money in front of our kids
Feelings need to be controlled / It’s all about your feelings
Punishment and time-out / Hugs and time-ins
I’ll give you something to cry about / It’s okay to cry, tell me how you’re feeling
Overprotection / Too much freedom or clingy
Do as I say / What do you prefer?
It’s bedtime / Okay, 5 more minutes
Give Grandma a hug / You don’t need to hug anyone unless you want to
This list is based on generalizations, and sometimes, extremes. Of course, individuals don’t adhere to all of these principles.
This list also shows why there can be such a clash between boomers, who have become grandparents, and millennials, who have become late-bloomer parents who try their neurotically best to be self-aware parents, if they choose to have kids at all.
The point, as I outlined in my previous article, is that boomers had a specific parenting flavour which affected the millennial generation. Often, millennial parents, the therapized generation who have access to an array of parenting trends on social media, try to over-correct for their parent’s behaviours with them, which can lead to a whole host of other problems, and sometimes, the same problems for their offspring.
Some of the parenting styles on the above list can be good adjustments, for example, giving your children age-appropriate choices (What t-shirt do you want to wear today, red or yellow?). But in other contexts, they can be detrimental and put too much pressure on the child, abandoning parental authority, giving the child too much power, and confusing them about their role (Do you want to brush your teeth?).
This clash of styles can often cause tension between boomer grandparents and their adult millennial children, the parents of their grandchildren. Boomer parents may try to insert their parental authority onto their grandchildren, usurping the parental authority of their own fully-grown children. Others admire their children’s modern approach, which involves new insights they didn’t have access to as parents, taking the backseat and enjoying their role as grandparents.
Sometimes when it comes to parenting, the middle ground is best. Overcorrection is just that; overcorrection. We can take the good and discard the bad.
For example, feelings shouldn’t be controlled, but it shouldn’t be all about feelings either. Teaching children that their feelings are okay, but their actions need to be controlled, is a healthy approach IMO.
What am I missing? Let me know what you would add to this list.
And check out the article I am referring to if you haven’t read it first:
Gentle parenting is for gentle kids. Child led is just dumb. Time outs are critical. Millennials aren't the only to over-correct and I'd say the only contradiction is that boomers didn't helicopter, that's Gen X by and large.
Also, I recently loved the book, "The Fourth Turning." So much good stuff about generations and why we are the way we are. Those born in a Growth or rebuilding phase have a much different childhood than those born during an awakening or rebellious phase. But since growth will lead to rebellion which leads to unraveling which leads to crisis which leads back to growth, round and round we go and all the generations have a part to play. It's interesting to see that my cohort, Gen X, is similar to Hemingway's generation. We're both considered Nomad generations born to parents during an awakening (the summer of love crap launched mine, his was the result of the transcendentalist/romance movement, which is what inspired both the civil war and the civil rights movement of the most recent awakening). When the adults are busy finding themselves, the kids are forgotten. Those kids then come of age when the society that the awakening was challenging begins to unravel due to the unsolved conflicts that came up. Anyway, Gen X are like those who fought in ww1 and millennials are like the GIs of ww2. Very different people, very different conflicts, facing the world as it is today.